Learning to say No (Part 2 of 2)
Start where you agree, carry them along on the decision and offer alternatives
This is part 2 on ‘Learning to Say No’. Click here to read Part 1.
“A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'yes' uttered merely to please - or worse; to avoid trouble..” – Mahatama Gandhi
Saying ‘No’ is a skill we’re often not equipped with at the start of our careers. But it’s a valuable skill because it helps us preserve our time and resources for things that matter most.
The first step to saying No is to be clear on why. Also, you need to be clear if you’re saying ‘no’, ‘not right now’ or ‘I don’t know, and here’s the criteria to decide.’ We’ve covered this in part one.
The second step is to communicate the ‘No’. Being able to communicate the ‘No’ well, enables you to preserve (and actually strengthen) relationships even as you preserve your time and resources. You’ll earn trust and credibility with stakeholders, if they understand that you’re saying no for the right reasons.
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Once you’re clear that you need to say no to someone, you need to think about how you’re going to say it. Here’s how you go about it.
Step 1: Start with what you agree on, your shared goals
Sometimes, when we’re disagreeing with someone, we lose sight of the big picture. We forget the common goals that we’re working towards and all the things we do agree on.
So, any communication for no, should begin by taking a step back to focus on the common goals. We start by reminding ourselves that we’re on the same wide, working to solve the same problem. Once we establish the outcome, we’re both seeking, we can discuss the different ideas we might have to get there.
So, in our ‘Offer ask’ example, you might start by saying, “As you know, our objective is to maximise sales in the upcoming sales period. The target customer here is <abc> and our focus products are <xyz>. We need to run offers that meet 2X ROI criteria.” Once you agree on the same understanding of the baseline, you can evaluate idea A vs idea B.
Start with the common, shared goals; become partners in solving the problem at hand.
Step 2A: Walk them through your decision-making process
And this is really the key – carry the other person along so they see the decision as you see it. Or you exchange information and arrive at a common view of things.
You want to say, “You want me to join the meeting tomorrow; but I have a client call scheduled at the same time to align promo offers for next month. That call is time sensitive because I need to submit the promo plan by tomorrow EOD.”
What you’re communicating is, “You’ve asked me for ‘X’ resource. That resource is currently being used to achieve Y goal. Your ask gets me to doesn’t get me to goal Y or gets me to goal Z which isn’t as important. So, I have to say no to you, and continue with current plans.”
If you can explain the decision-making criteria and why the ask isn’t the best use of the resource (your expertise+yourtime or company resource+your time), then it becomes easier for the other person to accept your decision.
Step 2B: Suggest an alternative
When you’re saying to no to someone, and you’ve explained to them how you’ve arrived at this decision, can you offer them an alternative? This opens up the conversation to finding an alternate solution that works for both of you.
It also pressure tests the ask – do you really need what you’re asking for by when you’re asking for it?
“You want me to join the meeting tomorrow; but I have a client call scheduled at the same time to align promo offers for next month. That call is time sensitive because I need to submit the promo plan by tomorrow EOD. Can we meet next week instead?”
“You want me to prepare these slides; I’m currently committed to preparing another deck for tomorrow’s review. Will it be helpful if I add comments to the current version of the deck? Or maybe I can share the one slide on the proposal; and someone else can do the rest of it?”
Now you’ve got a few options to come up with something that works for both parties.
To be clear, you don’t have to do both 2A (walk them through) and 2B (share an alternative) every time. These are two ways to land a ‘No’. Pick and choose what works for you.
Bonus: When you’re saying no, how you say it matters too. If you know the ask matters to the person you’re turning down, take the time to talk personally to them. Do it in person, or atleast in a live call. Messages don’t communicate tone and intention; and can lead to misunderstandings. If you want to maintain a relationship, but you have to decline the ask, taking the time to do it in real time is worth it.
Putting things to practice:
1. Be clear on why you’re saying no (Part 1)
2. Start with what you agree on: your shared goals. Make the conversation “me and you vs the problem”
3. Two Ways to land the No:
A: Walk them through the decision: Share your criteria, arrive at a common view of things
B: Suggest an alternative: you can find a solution that works for both of you
Bonus: Say it in real time. When the relationship matters and the ask is important, take the time to take in person and on the phone
Try these steps and let me know how it goes.